The difference between O.J. Simpson and Christopher Reeve:

> Reeve's wife still talks to him.

> Reeves likes blondes.

> O.J. still likes white broncos.

> O.J. is better with a knife.

What did OJ Simpson say to Micheal Jordan and Larry Bird?

Out the back door, into the Bronco, down the road, to the condo, nothing but neck.

Q: What's the difference between OJ and Christopher Reeve?

A1: The defendant can still rise.

A2: Penmanship.

>Christopher Reeves spoke his first words yesterday. Know what he said?

>Whoaa....whoaaaa!

You know the O. J. Simpson trial has gone on

so long that Johnny Cochran has shed his skin 4 times.

What was the last thing OJ said to Nicole?

Your waiter will be right with you.

Q: Why are Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie are splitting up?

A: Michael misunderstood when they discussed having children.

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From: jlclark@primenet.com (Jeff Clark)
Organization: Digital Biometrics, Inc.
Subject: The obvious suspects (in the Ron and Nicole murder case)

This appeared in the Minneapolis StarTribune Letters to the Editor on October 9. It was written by Martha A. Ballou, of Minneapolis.

Now that we know that O.J. Simpson did not kill Ron and Nicole, and we know that O.J. has made finding their killers his No. 1 goal, and that the Los Angeles Police Department is not going to help, the people in our office decided to help find the real killers.

Our nominees are: 1) Maggie Simpson; 2) the guy on the grassy knoll; 3) the one-armed man, and 4) Professor Plum in the library with the knife.

From: mcfar@netcom.com (Lincoln Randall McFarland)
Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)
Subject: Marc Furman Joke

Found in a SJ Mercury article (a couple of weeks back) about Marc Furman retiring to Idaho:

Q: How can you tell it is spring in Idaho?

A: Marc Furman is out planting gloves.

From: idiotwind@radix.net (ed lynn)
Subject: the merchandising of the simpson jury

after hearing of the recent deal by some of the simpson jurors to do audiobooks based on their experiences serving on that infamous jury, i tried to imagine a few more ways to merchandise the heck out of these people:

• the book deal: "I Nearly *Touched* Him" by Simpson Juror #6
• the movie deal: "Sequestered!: The Life of Simpson Juror #2" (in THX Stereo)
• the Simpson Juror Action Figures (Collect all 35)
• along the same lines, the McDonald's Simpson Jury Collector Cups (with bios of each Simpson Juror...e.g., Simpson Juror #23's favorite negative opinion is that "mud is icky when it squishes between your toes" and Simpson Juror #15 strongly believes he is the reincarnation of Lawrence Welk)
• Simpson TrialWorld: A Theme Park based on actual events. Theme Park mascot? Sequestered Chester!

From: tyg@netcom.com (Tom Galloway)
Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)
Subject: Top 10 Ways To Have Increased OJ Verdict Suspense

Top Ten Ways Judge Ito could've increased suspense at the OJ verdict:

• 10. Brought in Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon to do "Karnac the Magnificent" routine with verdict envelope.
• 9. Had the Dancing Itos do a farewell performance before reading the verdict.
• 8. "And the Oscar goes to Leslie Nielsen for Naked Gun 33 1/3rd!"
• 7. Performed seance to contact ghost of Raymond Burr for patented Perry Mason last moment courtroom theatrics.
• 6. Jumped up and pointed at one-armed man in courtroom.
• 5. Dismissed two more jurors, just for old times sake.
• 4. As payback to media coverage announces that he is now banning cameras from the courtroom.
• 3. Announced verdict would be withheld until 7:54 p.m. so it could be used on that night's Final Jeopardy! ("And remember to phrase the verdict in the form of a question.")
• 2. Pointedly reminded everyone he has legal right to overrule jury's verdict.
• 1. "Ladies and gentlemen, since I have a captive audience of over 100 million people, I'd like to first give you my rendition of 'My Way'"

From: DHBrowne@aol.com
Subject: Re: OJ

It's really too bad - if an aging football star HAD to kill his wife, why couldn't it have been Frank Gifford ???

From: eurdang@advtech.uswest.com (Erik Gwyn Urdang)
Subject: More on OJ

A friend of mine told me recently that he had read someplace that more person-hours were devoted to watching the OJ Bronco chase (not the trial, just the *chase*) than were spent building the Panama Canal.

I responded that this seemed reasonable: he was digging a bigger hole for himself.

From: lam@netcom.com (Bob Lamerand)
Subject: TOPICAL! Halloween Costume!

I bought a O.J. costume for Halloween.

I had to return it --- damned gloves wouldn't fit!

From: osiris@halcyon.com (J.David Ruggiero)
Subject: Haloween and Mr. Simpson

[From a co-worker:]

Did you hear that an O.J. Simpson mask is the hottest-selling item this Halloween?

Only trouble with it is that at the end of the evening, you have to give all your candy to the kid wearing the Johnnie Cochran mask.

From: mcross@hpcvn2wc.cv.hp.com (Minor Cross x 715-2044)
Subject: YAOJJ

I know, this is kinda old business but,,,,,

One of my co-workers and I were talking about OJ getting out of jail and getting his stuff back (lot's of jokes already!). I commented that OJ was going to get his bronco back (yea and wash it!). My friend replied, " I wonder if he's gonna take it to Ford and find out why it'll only do 35 on the freeway?"

From: stephenw@tenmail.mincom.oz.au (Stephen Wales)
Organization: Mincom, Inc
Subject: Golfing Partnership from Hell

The Golfing Four from Hell....

Heard from a colleague...

O.J. Simpson is the slasher
Heidi Fleis in the hooker

Ted Kennedy keeps driving them into the water
Greg Lougainis (sp?) keeps getting them in the wrong hole

From: giustis@aol.com (Giustis)
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
Subject: Joe, Not Guilty!

I overheard this at the Raiders vs. Colts game.

Q. If Joe Montana killed three people and was subsequently aquitted, what would you call it?
A. A new NFL record!

From: ether@cirl.uoregon.edu (David William Etherington)
Subject: Another Halloween Slasher story

Paraphrase from the local radio (KZEL):

Q: What's OJ going as this Halloween?
A: An innocent man.