So the Lone Ranger and Tonto have ridden long and hard when they see a town on the horizon. The Ranger says, "Our horses are about to go tits up. When we get to town, I'll go into the saloon and scope things out. I need you to cool the horses off. When we stop, you get off your horse and run around both of them to create a breeze." All goes well until after the Ranger has had his third shot of whiskey in the saloon. A big, tall, massive cowhand enters the saloon, slaps a big, meaty fist on the Ranger's back and asks, "You own those two flea-bitten mules out front?" Fearing a fight due to being in a redneck town and Tonto's racial heritage, the Ranger tenses, drops his hand to his gun and replies, "Well, yes, mister. They happen to be my horses. You got a problem with that?" To which the cowhand replies, "Nah, I ain't got a problem, but you might. Seems ya left your injun runnin'"
A little girl goes into the doctor for a cure for her speech impediment. The doctor starts examining her and says "Okay, big breaths my dear"
"Yeth" the girl replies, "and I`m only theven"
A lady walks into work, really hungover. Her boss notices her condition and asks what the matter is.
"Last night, the girls and I had a "Lady's Night Out." Tequila, Vodka, Beer, you name it, we drank it. When I finally came to, I was on all fours in my front yard, blowing chunks. It was horrible. I'm never drinking again!"
Her boss replied, "It's ok, we've all been there before."
The lady looked at her boss and said, "No, you DON'T understand. Chunks is my DOG!"
This is something that was actually done in a high school biology class!
We were being given a lesson on the basics of plant physiology. The teacher had a big wooden cut-away (cross-section) model of a poppy. He was pointing to the petals, stem, etc., and eventially got to the gonads of the plant.
He first pointed to the ovaries, and explained that they were the female organs of the plant. He then pointed to the stamens that were sticking out, and explained that they were the male organs of the plant.
Under my breath, I whispered "poppycock" to the girl sitting next to me. Unfortunantely, most of the class heard...