What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
---A quarter pounder with cheese!
Massive, gassive far from passive, gnarled and twisted, double fisted, thunder and lightning, bystander frightening, blowtorching, enamel scorching, air raidin', nut laden, olfactorily dubious, Mount Vesuvius, bowl grabbing, sphincter stabbing, straining, screaming, soft and steaming, dinner wretching, rectum stretching, temple bursting, knockwursting, gluteus slashing, bombay splashing, misbehaving, tidalwaving, bunghole bleeding, sportspage reading, suffocating, fumigating, straining, grunting, fourth down we're punting, overcasting, stripmine blasting, pell mell, smells like hell, rear ejecting, biceps flexing, offshore dumping, methane pumping, hollering, squealing, wallpaper peeling, weekend spoiling, cauldron boiling, loosen your belting, shower curtain melting constitutional. (some thanks [apologies?] to the Greaseman)
Do you know what the best thing is about having Alzheimer's?
Answer: You can hide your own Easter eggs!
Three women are in the Ob/Gyn office knitting. The first one sets down her knitting and reaches into her purse for a pill bottle and pops one in her mouth and says smugly "I'm taking an iron supplement so that my baby will have healthy blood," and returns to her knitting.
Upon hearing this, the second woman stops her knitting and reaches into her purse for a pill bottle and takes one saying, "I'm taking a calcium supplement so that my baby will have strong bones," smiles conceitedly and throws her nose in the air as she resumes her knitting.
The third woman then sheepishly puts down her knitting and takes a pill from in her purse and says, "I'm taking thalidomide because I forgot how to knit sleeves on these fucking things!"
What did Ron Goldman say to Nicole Simpson when they met in heaven?
"Here are you fucking glasses!"
One day, Hitler calls Himmler in to his office and says "Round up and kill 6 million Jews and 2 postmen".
Himmler says "Why 2 postmen?".
Hitler says "See - I knew that no-one would care about 6 million Jews".
> Two tramps are walking down the street.....
> 1st Tramp: Have You shit yourself?
> 2nd Tramp: No
> they continue on a little
> 1st Tramp: You have shit yourself you dirty bastard
> 2nd Tramp: Fuck off, I haven't!
> a little further down the road
> 1st Tramp: You have shit yourself, drop you trousers!!
> the 2nd tramp drops his trousers and reveals a big shit
> 1st Tramp: I knew you'd shit yourself
> 2nd Tramp: No it was in when I found them!!!
or response number two (no pun intended)
2nd Tramp: Oh! I thought you meant today!
Did you hear about Karen Carpenter being attacked by the flesh-eating virus?
It starved to death.
What is Mickey Mantle's favorite inning?
The bottom of the fifth.