1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes.
Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish
work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the
secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use
the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left
nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your
answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO
sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk
the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't
understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who
the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max
level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every
question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my
religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor,
say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them
into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the
exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen
minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as
vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science
exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking Blame it on the person nearest to
you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during
the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a
percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the
exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how
easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam,
spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck
this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not
everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should
start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very
derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a
clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start
yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you
away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the
instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight
for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to
waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests
for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the
theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get
pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your
own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and
shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is
needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a
calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them
to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to
work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they
do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a
small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes
throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps
me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the
section on musical instruments during finals. Don`t forget to use the
phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"
webbed by Richard Hay.